Is Perfectionism Holding You Back? 5 Steps to Letting it Go

In last night’s ADHD Meetup, we have several hours of rousing discussion around “Career Success.” We bounded off the tip sheet I’d prepared and bounced ideas off one another, each of us revealing frustrations, sharing stories, empathizing with one another’s life experience with ADHD.

Through the haze of wonderful camaraderie and great ideas came one idea that stopped us in our tracks: Do we really have to be GREAT at all those things which interest us? In other words, can we settle for mediocrity?

One of the (perhaps lesser known) hallmarks of ADHD is perfectionism: the standard we hold over our own heads that says, “In order to be valid I must be truly great at something…or everything.” Most people are aware that ADHDers habitually shift interest from thing to thing. I’d even venture to say that most people are aware that ADHDers show greatness in creativity and in outside-the-box, original perpectives. Many make great analytical thinkers and inventors. But what is less commonly known is that most ADHDers hold ourselves accountable for being great at any and all of the skills and interests we possess. Unfortunately, this is, (for most of us anyway), an unattainable expectation.

Many of us have been able to mask our ADHD by performing well in certain areas of life, perhaps through high grades in one subject or giftedness such as a particular knack for artistry or sport. But ADHDers often ignore the price we pay for maintaining this. Anxiety and frustration never seems to leave us, and we end up trying new things too often rather than developing in one meaningful area. The website of Chesapeake ADHD Center says this: “

“Although achievement may be high, what is often ignored is the very high price paid to do so — including chronic anxiety, sleep deprivation, neglected relationships, non-existent social life, disorganized living environment and nagging self-doubts.”

Is this true of you? Or do you continue to experience anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity in spite of your successes? Perfectionism is to blame, and it plagues not just you but most of your ADHD comrades. So what can be done to rid ourselves of this thief to our peace of mind?

Here are some ideas to help get you out of perfectionistic thinking:

1. Recognize perfectionism for what it is.  Perfectionism is an unrealistic expectation and a thief of your peace and contentment. It demands more than any human can offer, and prevents you from seeing your true successes.

2. Decide what your standards for your life truly are, and ditch the rest. Does it serve your life purpose to be the best at everything you try to do? Will being great at a particular skill keep you from becoming bored with it over time? What level of success must you achieve to support yourself financially?

3. Is that demanding, perfectionistic voice yours or someone else’s? Don’t spend too much time here, but acknowledge the origin of the demanding inner voice, whether your parents, teachers, siblings, peers, your boss, or someone else. Choose to permanently, willfully cut off others’ ability to demand perfectionism from you. After all, you are only human, and are likely already doing your best. Learn to recognize the voice, and stop it in its tracks.

4. Choose one area for improvement and focus your energy and time there. Boredom may indeed lead you to move from interest to interest, but this is a recipe for mediocrity in all things. Lower your expectations of performance in any given area and just enjoy the experience. You’ll likely find one area that floats your boat for long periods of time, and have renewed energy to develop skill there.

5. Get help where you need it. An ADHD Coach or psychologist can help you develop coping skills and let go of negative habits like perfectionism over time. But people are also available to you to do those things which you’re not so good at. The other side to perfectionism is a recognition of our weaknesses. Every human has weaknesses, and there’s someone out there who can do those things you’re not great at. Bookkeepers and tax preparers can help you with finances, spouses and partners can help with organizing and cleaning house, techies can be hired to help design your web page and problem-solve your iPhone, and so forth. Do yourself a favor and take advantage of the strengths of others as you discover your own.

Has this post been helpful to you? I’d LOVE to hear from you! Leave a comment, or Like my FaceBook page.Thanks for stopping by!

Unwrapping Gifts: 5 Steps to Finding & Celebrating the Stuff You Already Have

Do you find yourself wishing your life could be completely different but feel that you can’t make it happen? Everyone wants something out of life that seems out of reach. But often we overlook the valuable resources- the real treasures- hidden close to home.

My iPhone rang just as a wave of boredom overtook me as I manned a conference table this week. I was thrilled to answer the call, and even more excited to be needed by my now-adult daughter.

“We can’t move the heavy furniture by ourselves but don’t want to hire movers. What should we do?” I love being asked for my opinion; even more so by my children.  But this was a question asking for resources, and I, being a life coach and keen on finding resources, was pleased to rattle off a number of ideas.

“Ask your friends on Facebook and your apartment manager,” I told her; “ask a moving company for suggestions; you’ll be amazed at the resources you’ll find from just asking.” Sometimes all you really need is a pair of fresh eyes or another person’s perspective to show you where to look for what you need.

Let me ask you something; do you find yourself wishing your life could be completely different but feel that you can’t make it happen? We all do. But ask yourself this: Are you holding yourself back because you think you haven’t got what it takes to get from here to the other side of the proverbial fence? I beg to differ with you; you have much of what you need right now. Right here, in your own backyard. Whether you need a job, education, people, things or money, try starting a little treasure hunt close to home; you’ll be amazed at what you find.

1. What’s the Gift You Want to Give Yourself? Write down your specific goal or goals. To keep this treasure-hunting simple, try breaking down what you think you need to achieve each goal into small, workable steps. (ex. “Call the technical college to ask about classes.”) Answer the following questions as specifically as you can:

1. What?
2. How much?
3. By when?
4. Where?
5. Who?

2. Unearth Your Treasures (Resources):

The Gift of You: Now that you have distinctly defined what it is you need, the first place to look is within yourself. If you haven’t already, do a survey of your unique body of knowledge, skills and gifts. Use the book “What Color Is Your Parachute” or “Strengths Finder 2.0.”We all need reminding of our unique strengths that other people don’t necessarily have. Somewhere someone is looking for someone like you. And you may have forgotten that you possess certain skills to help you accomplish your goal. Need money? Decide how much you can save each week and just do it. Savings add up. Use www.smartypig.com to support your savings plan.

The Gift of Others: Next, ask everyone you know. Remember the six degrees of separation? Regardless of your need, there are people very close to you who have information and contacts that are invaluable to you. Ask Facebook friends, your LinkedIn community, neighbors, your grocer, people at church- anyone with whom you come into contact. Call or email your local Small Business Administration for a wealth of ideas and training, much of which is free.

3. Cherish Your Gifts

Sometimes we overlook the familiar and forget how rich we really are. One way to get fresh perspective is to make a list of all the resources that are available to you right now, and post it where you can see it daily. Practice gratitude inwardly or vocally. Not only will you start to see the fertile soil available in which to grow your goal, you’ll also start to see connections- how your needs and your resources- fit together to move you a giant step forward toward that goal.

4. Ask for Support

One often-overlooked resource is support.  Think of where Santa would be without his eight tiny reindeer to pull that darned sleigh. The cheerleading and hand-holding that a good friend or Life Coach offers is a treasured gift that gives you strength, puts wind under your wings and takes you far. Don’t underestimate the value of support people as you work toward the life that makes your heart sing. Ask a trusted person to do two things:

• Give you a weekly accountability check-in
• Applaud your small successes

5. Celebrate! Take the time to notice and celebrate how far you’ve come just in doing these exercises. Celebrate the gifts you’ve begun to unwrap in yourself and your life. Acknowledge, cherish, and savor these things; write them down so you won’t forget! Pat yourself on the back and let others know about the treasures you have discovered. Realize that now you are in a better position to make the next steps of your dreams a reality!

Consider giving me the gift of your feedback! Merry Christmas!

Are You Restless? Pondering What is “Your Best Life”

Restless? That’s me.

Itchy, frustrated, a little blue halo nestled around my slightly furrowed brow…feeling pulsed by energy and thought but straight-jacketed by limited opportunity, time, or (God forbid) fear. My daily bread is to spend time each morning on the deck, surrounded by my garden, eating breakfast, and meditating on my life, in hopes of avoiding ending my days with that sense of “what have I done with my life?” Staying on track- that’s the goal.

But more and more I find I feel that, though I’ve been on the right track, it might just be time for a new and bigger one. Impact- that’s what I crave. Impact on the world and others- my family, friends, and nameless others I’ll never meet. The legacy of having made the world a better place for others while exercising my best skills and talents is my longstanding, far-reaching hope.

As I calculate the steps toward starting a small part-time baking business, reviewing how much time I can spare, I decide it’s about time to review what I’ve recently been doing with my time, and here’s what I found:

Two years ago I earned my Life Coach certification. 19 months ago I bought my first home, repainted, and moved in. A month later, I met the man I was to marry. Two weeks later (after the great May flood), I ripped the carpet out of my basement, patched and repainted the floor.

Since then, I’ve continuing to parent my 21- and 16-year-old daughters, held down a full time job, started jogging and working out at the gym, landscaped, gardened and mown my lot. I’ve blogged, coached a few clients, started a Meetup group for ADHD adults, and led events. I’ve done a little kayaking and swing dancing, and maintained my spiritual life with a daily quiet time.

After a New Year’s Eve engagement, I planned and carried out all the components of a lovely DIY wedding. Since the wedding, I’ve spent a week hiking out west, cooked nearly every evening, baked for friends often, and relearned the art of being a wife and stepmother. I’ve starred in a tv commercial, read an inspiring book, planned next year’s garden, and conspired to become an urban chicken farmer and start a small, part-time baking business.

Wow…nice to get that all on paper! Reflecting on this list, I suppose I’ve been pretty busy, trying to live life to the fullest and staying in touch with my interests, talents, and passions. I doubt anyone would read that and accuse me of being so devoted to my day job that I’ve forgotten myself. How, then, do I continually stand under the harsh spotlight of my own critique? How do I live this fully and yet accuse myself of laziness?

I have two strong candidates for answers:
1. I have ADHD.
2. Something else crucial is missing.

Well, one thing is true: I do have ADHD, and live under the vague sense of mental and physical boredom at all times. But that has always been and will never change. That leaves me asking what else I can do to stave off this sense of dissatisfaction that keeps me driven.

It took me only moments to recognize that I’ve spent so much time doing that I’ve left little time for being with friends. Being connected with my passions, talents and interests is good and well, just as maintaining my spiritual connection is vital. But what if I continue to run through this life without developing some of those relationships that start and lay dormant? It leaves a unique void that can’t be filled by activity, parenthood or even my new marriage. My one best girlfriend in town is fabulous but very busy with her own life. My other best friend moved up north two years ago and has a new boyfriend. Aha!

Perhaps all the many things I do fall short of satisfaction if and when there is little emphasis on the connectedness they build between me and other people. Am I discounting the pricelessness of being a mother to my daughters, a wife to Grant, and a stepmom to the two new children in my life? Not at all. And perhaps these could use more attention. But there is no substitute for the relationships we build outside of home, whether in the workplace or in our outside interests.

Looking back, I’ve eaten lunch solo nearly every day of the 3 ½ years I’ve been at my current job. There are extraneous reasons for this, but I can choose better. I also work solo 99 % of the time, barely speaking to anyone- every day, all day. For an extrovert like me, this is enough to strangle. Before taking on one new activity to “fulfill my life purpose,” I think I’ll take a look around and get to know a few folks a little better- inject a little more conversation into my days and nights.

As I review this weekend’s death of a friend whom I’d have liked to have known better, things click, and I know what to do. Life is short, and relationships are the real substance of our lives. Whether at the end of my life people recognize me as the author of that book I always wanted to write, or the baker who left her day job and made their mornings delicious, I want to be known as a friend.

Are you giving time to your relationships? Who can call you a friend beyond your best girl (or guy)? Do your children need more of your full attention? Is your relationship with your spouse or partner the best it can be? I encourage you to survey your life as it is, and look at whom you might connect more deeply with. We can compare notes along the way!

That Awkward Place Between Uncertainty and a Clear Path

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I like my tea piping hot, my chocolate dark and strong, and my food on the high end of spicy. In the same way, I prefer crisp, blue skies to blah gray ones. Mediocrity doesn’t tempt my appetite, nor does it feel right in anything else. I like the flavor of life to be bold and clear.

So when the path of my life seems vague, I go floundering for a bit. I’m there right now, and I can assure you it is awkward. Uncomfortable, yes, but I say “awkward” because I’m sometimes more concerned about what I’m to tell others, like you, than how I’m going to get through this weird time. I’m a life coach, able to leap small difficulties in a single, strategic bound, right? Ah, but life has its moments of unclarity for all of us, if we’re honest.

My reading and journaling of late seems to boldly confirm that pursuing a particular desire of mine is a really good idea. For me, I make life changes a matter of prayer and spiritual reading. And there are too many bits of confirmation within these activities to be mere coincidences. And yet, I’m not sure the story is supposed to end with me jumping on this new bandwagon. There is so much rich territory to cover in what my soul is hearing, that I wonder: Is this more about a new business activity or about the self-discovery experienced right now? And, much to my chagrin, the answer is not clear. And it may never be. Not to mention that I’m a wee bit scared by the prospect of going for it.

So the question is what to do now. Last night, my brother in law noted that I prefer to bustle than to sit. Being still to wait and listen for answers isn’t my forte. And as a Life Coach, I know that, in dealing with this conundrum, a simple action plan is the next step. This I can do. What are my baby steps to figuring this out? Once I have those down on paper, I find I feel glassy-eyed; confused; less certain that this is my bandwagon. Not at all the response I’ve come to expect from my coaching clients! “Now what?!” my heart seems to gasp.

So I’ve decided that, for today, I’ll sit and listen some more. Pray and meditate a little more. Read more truth. I’ve found that, if nothing in my action plan sits well, I am just not ready for Baby Step 1. And I’m okay with that. Better a little “unclarity” than to take a very clear step toward something I’m not supposed to do….or do just yet. And I think I’ll take a look at what I’ve learned in the last few weeks about myself and my life. Perhaps the real message is hiding there.

As you think on an area in you life in which the path is less than clear, I will leave you with what I know I’ve gained in recent weeks because of this recent “quest”:

1. Closer friendship with a coworker

2. An expression of full support from my new husband for my “bandwagon”

3. Affirmation in my faith (“Before you were in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” Jeremiah 1:5 and”May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” Psalm 20:4 )

When I take a look at what my life is really about, what I really want to have accomplished in the end, does it get much better than this?

Be sure and leave a comment! I’d love to know what has you longing for clarity and a direct path! For today, enjoy the journey as you move one step closer to that path.

Best,

Laurie

Feeling weak or strong? Let’s Get This Challenge On!

This morning I feel a pull; I’m being drawn to the free employee gym a mile away.

No, I’m not there, typing on my laptop amidst the machines, I’m on my deck, eating a waffle- and yet the pull is undeniable. It’s the weight-training equipment, the clank of weights and the inevitable pain of muscle tissue that is drawing me in as strongly as the scent of melting dark chocolate on any other day. But I want to look at this magic attraction for a minute; it is the unceasing desire to be strong.

My muscles and heart seem to literally be crying out to be challenged. Strengthened. Toned. You’ve felt that, whether in body or spirit; I know you have. Have you reached a plateau? Are you bored? For those of you with ADHD, let me take a wild guess: That’s a Yes! A plateau is a flat, level land above a lower level of land. A plateau is something you reach only after climbing. Your muscles, whether theoretical or literal, had to be challenged to climb up there. But as soon as we reach the plateau, we can relax with no challenge to ourselves for as long as we want to stay on the plateau.Do you really want to stay where you are? Are you happy here?

Eight months ago I challenged myself and started running three to five days a week. It was a huge challenge just to begin, as I’ve always hated running, but the benefits outweighed the effort. I’ve been on this running plateau for a while (one mile per day), and I, for one, am bored. My muscles are crying out for a challenge. It’s as though the more I strengthen them, the more I “hear” feedback from them, and the more disturbed I feel when I’m not upping the ante every once in a while. I think that’s pretty cool! It is time to go to the gym and work the rest of my muscles- arms, abs, etc.

It’s a hunger that I can’t deny. It isn’t difficult to start something. It isn’t difficult to create one small challenge for yourself. After all, we with ADHD are experts at this. Think of how often we feel bored and “unalive” and have to provide stimulus for ourselves. Tapping the pencil or the foot, singing or reading out loud, just to keep moving through the day. You’re good at “mixing things up a bit,” and you can find a healthy challenge to provide yourself. Just do something.

What challenge, you ask? You already know. You already know at least one area in life you wish you were farther along in. What is that daydream you never tell anyone? What is that number on the scale you dream of? What is the title of that book you want to publish? Pick one thing and just do it. Start it.

Start with a baby step challenge, and rest assured that your body and spirit will help you by calling out for more- louder and clearer than they do today. You won’t be able to quit challenging yourself once you step up off this plateau. And don’t forget: Leave me a comment here to let me know what that challenge will be! I can’t wait to hear the results.

Bonus:  For those of you who don’t mind a little spiritual input for your efforts, here are some encouraging words that keep my feet pounding the pavement:

• 1 Corinthians 12:9: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

• Isaiah 40:31: Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint.

• 1 Chronicles 29:12: In Your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

Good on ‘ya!

Laurie

It’s BlogJog Day Again! Taken Hold of That Dream Yet?!

Thank you for stopping by my Life Coaching blog! Please explore  for some inspiration to fuel your life passions! Leave me a comment if you find something that encourages you. After you’ve looked around my site, click on over to The Writing Mama at http://thewritingmama.blogspot.com . You can always go back to the main Blog Jog Day Blog at http://blogjogday.blogspot.com and find a new link to jog from. 

In the Drought- A Fountain

Warning: This post might inspire you.
Warning #2: This post contains reference to spirituality.
Looking for practical helps today? I’m betting you find it here, despite the fact that today’s post deals with a little more ethereal issue for ADHDers: Quenching your inner thirst.

Dry, cracking earth. Temps above 100 degrees. This extreme heat damaged far more than my garden, as people young and old drop from heat exhaustion and dehydration. Extreme heat dries up both earth and the human body, and we’ve all been at risk this season; no one in our part of the world is exempt from blazing heat and the threat of drought.

“There is a wellspring.” My thoughts turned from the heat to thirst during this morning’s 1-mile run. But out of nowhere I had this thought: “There is a wellspring.” Not a glass of water in my kitchen or the hose that waters my garden, but a gushing, overflowing fountain for me to wallow in came to mind. Were I to jump in this sort of wellspring, not only will my physical thirst be quenched, but every longing of my soul and mind will be satisfied. The very thought was a respite as my feet pounded the rapidly-warming pavement in the early morning sun.

Cravings, Longings
For the ADHDer, ever-shifting,  unsatisfied goals are a way of life. So why not, I thought, bring this up? ADHDers usually come to me for practical help in establishing and meeting goals, so why not discuss the life-long preoccupation with “being satisfied?” So easily bored with life, we continuously seek stimulation in new ways. THAT is the very essence of thirst, are you happy in your drought-stricken homeland?

Quenching
In my life, true satisfaction, true quenching has only ever come through spirituality. So, while mine is not a spiritual blog site, I will divulge myself and say I believe it is a mistake to seek satisfaction without attending to our spiritual life. The Hebrew word “sama” and Greek word “dipsos” mean”thirst,”  and lent us the English word “dipsamania,” meaning extreme, insatiable thirst or craving. How often have your heard “thirst for knowledge” or “thirst for wealth?” The Christian Bible is chock full of these words for  thirst and drought (used 357 times). The biblical concept of extreme thirst and drought is used to communicate a spiritual truth: While real drought and extreme thirst threaten our lives, there is available a quenching fountain. Check out these verses:

Psalm 36:8-9 “..You give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life.”
Isaiah 44:3: “For I will pour out water on the thirsty land and streams on the dry ground.”
Matthew 5:6:Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.”
Revelation 7:16: “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst.”

These verses communicate that though we are thirsty and parched in our spirits, we are assured a perfect condition of spiritual health and satiation through a Savior. This is the entire theme of Christianity, and the theme I hope to communicate to you today, to penetrate deeply in your soul where there is deep thirst for satisfaction. As a Life Coach, my anthem is that practical steps can make life so much more wonderful, but I do not believe they can complete the work of satisfying your deep thirst for life and immortality. Only tending your spirit can.But how wonderful it is to wallow in the overflowing wellspring we are offered and to be truly quenched.

Think or Write:

1. How does this extreme thirst” feel to you in your life with ADHD?
2. Have you ever jumped into a fountain? Waterfall? Plunged into a pool on an extremely hot day? What did that feel like?
3. What cravings would you like to have satisfied in your life?
4. How would you like to pursue your own spirituality this week?

Identity: With Whom do You Identify?

Wonderfully Different

Every time I go for my morning run, I see Olivia from The Biggest Loser. In my mind’s eye, of course. But there she is, running just in front of me, trimming down to a healthier frame little by little. Olivia keeps me running.

And there’s the Walker in Black, the “fast-walker” in Hillsboro Village who slowly but surely, day by day, trimmed down and muscled up over the years I lived on Blair Boulevard. Gripping her MP3 player the same way every day, she just keeps moving. Her discipline, despite the seemingly snail’s-pace results, has inspired me, a newbie, to running.

There are others- the girl in the running mag, the man in my parents’ neighborhood, Julie, Betsy & Robin at the office- whose discipline literally moves me. At 44, losing the excess pounds will take a long string of miniscule achievements, and I’m still in the first stage. But it is the mental exercise of identifying with others more successful than myself that has me up and out of my rut.

In many areas of life we can see our identity is in relationship to (or contrast to) others. In my spiritual life, it is Jesus.  In my writing life, I look up to Kim Thomas and Anne Lamott. But for now, you can pick just one area, just one person for starters.

I want to know this: Where are you? In a rut or on the move toward the life you want to live? With whom do you identify right now? I’m beginning to see the imperative of  identifying not just with those like ourselves but with those who are a few steps- or even miles- ahead of us.

Life with ADHD is no piece of cake, I know. We need the fellowship of others whose stories of failures and shame scarily mimic our own. When we share pitfalls, we see how normal and ”okay” we really are. But we may also be at risk of lacking challenge when we only seek out others with ADHD to hang out with. We also risk not seeing our own fantastic potential to become someone or something greater than we are now. Identifying with others who have overcome failure, developed outstanding coping skills, and are seen as successes by the society in which we live will shake us up and move us a few steps forward; little by little, step by step.

With whom can you identify? Eistein and Edison who had marvelously original thoughts but were shamed by teachers and peers? ADHD authors who’ve penned their stories and earned income off of which to live? By now you’ve likely heard of many successful adults with ADHD. Why not choose one to read about? Observe? Shadow?

The road to success is log and sometimes rocky. But it is a road- with more than one destination and exciting discoveries to be made along the way. I challenge you today to identify with someone ahead of you on that road. Pat yourself on the back for every little move toward your goal. And let me know what happens in the coming weeks! And as always, if you need a little coaching along the way, just give me a call.

Cheers!

What is Your “Hell?” Why ADHDers Do What We Do

What’s the one thing that frightens you most? Tornadoes? Poverty? Mice?For me it is a bit different.

Yesterday I spent the first morning hours reworking a joint budget for my fiance and myself, followed by many hours in the kitchen preparing a delicious dinner. By four 0′clock in the afternoon, I was absolutely miserable, despite the fact that I love to cook. I surveyed the facts, and realized I’d had nearly no contact or conversation with other humans. Despite the fact that I expected three people for dinner within two hours, I couldn’t stop myself from jumping in the car and heading to Target- just to be surrounded by noise, bright lights, and people. The sense of deep isolation never goes away for us ADHDers. It is my “hell,” and the monster I am forever trying to outrun. It is what drives our restless little motors.

Clearly you have a pulse or you wouldn’t be reading this. And that is most important. But if you have ADHD, what oftem matters second most is whether you feel alive. It is a common affliction among ADHDers that we lack a consistent sense of aliveness beyond having a pulse and air in our lungs. Whether the need to “feel alive” is the reason we seek stimuli may always be debated in scientific circles. But for me, it is a central truth. I need an intensified sensory and psychological experience in order to truly “feel alive.” The alternative is a dulled, muted, and rather depressing cocoon-like experience in which I feel disconnected from the world and others. I could say it is an unpleasant experience, but frankly the more appropriate word is ‘hell.”

Whether or not you agree with my personal belief that we humans were created to be interconnected with others and deeply sensitive to the physical world in which we live, I feel certain that you live- at least in part- in this way. If you are truly fortunate, you have eyes that see sights, ears that hear sounds, and skin that registers an amazing array of textures temperature, and air motion.  To me, the most rewarding subject of my senses is people. To see the face of the ones you love, hear their voices, and feel the warmth of their hugs is not to be beat. But if you also have ADHD, you often find yourself feeling disconnected from others even when all these senses are working. We just plain don’t get the same messages others get, both neurologically and figuratively speaking.

So what do we do? We seek out heightened stimulation. We immerse ourselves into crowds, crank up the radio while interacting with others, write notes (if not play with silly putty) while listening to a lecture, and go kayaking for entertainment. We order colorful, spicy foods- (check for the bottle of Srirachi hot sauce in the cabinet), and love dessert. We need to move. A lot. Can you really begrudge us? If your life experience were one of living in a coccoon with all your senses muffled, I believe you’d do the same.

So be gentle with us. But not too gentle; we do like to play hard. But sometimes all we need is a trip to Target.

Are You Listening to You?

When’s the last time you had time to hear your heart beat?

This morning, I nearly missed the window of time I carve out for myself- my “quiet time.” The very thought created a knot in my stomach. I’ve become addicted to this hour of time to listen to my heart, get back in touch with the longings of my soul, laying down all else for the sake of caring for my spirit. Going without means a day out of kilter.

Twenty Years:
As a solo parent for the better part of twenty years, I had to learn that I needed this and to fight for it. I fought not only the clock but also the natural inclination to say “yes” to what everyone else wanted me to do, and “no” to my own needs. Even more difficult was the fight against the fear of being alone, an old issue that required years, workbooks, great counselors, prayer and the hand of God to overcome. I finally enjoy the company of one– myself. This skill (and yes, I do think it a skill) has been invaluable in me moving into my “Second Act” years; if bearing and raising children was my “first act,” becoming a successful Life Coach is my second.

 Today:
I’m writing content for my workshop “Writing Your Creed,” for women who want to discover the work that  they love. As I reflect on how I came to find my own “Second Act,” I realize one very important thing: I could not have found the work that I love without first listening, long and hard, to my heart. This takes time. It requires solitude. It requires taking stock, looking both backwards and forwards at your own life, your own choices, and how you’ve felt along the way. What will it take for you to do this?

“We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy, and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” This was not written about the Facebook world in which we now live; C.S. Lewis penned this many years ago, referring, in fact, to the fact that the new “wireless” (the telephone) is partly to blame! How much more true is this now than when interruptions to our time were not Facebooking and texting every five minutes, but a telephone ring a few times a day?

A Challenge:
I’m not challenging you to a duel, but it will be a fight. I challenge you to decide you are worth the time, worth listening to, worth turning off your smart phone. I challenge you to carve out 10 quiet minutes a day, morning or night, to listen to your heart beat. Listen to your thoughts and feelings; write them down. Take stock of what matters to you- and what doesn’t- in a day’s time. Rediscover your longings, and the dreams you never told anyone and shoved under a rug. Bring them back out, shake them off, and take a good look at them. What does your spirit long for? Hope? Immortality? A greater power? Take time for these things.

This, my friend, is the first step to living the life of your dreams. Let me know how this helps you!

Quick-Start Guide

1. Turn off smart phone, iPod and computer
2. Sit alone or take a solitary walk
3. Listen to your thoughts
4. How do you feel when you think about your past, present and future?
5. Write one “pipe dream” you don’t share with others
6. Pray or meditate